I thought about self-harming today.

This is a big deal for me, because it's been almost two years since the last time that I self-harmed. And honestly it was that thought that kept me from doing so.

But even though I have been feeling like crap lately, I had so much fun at work tonight and am so thankful that I have a job. I'm thankful for the amazing people that I work with and that I'm able to be there with them. And after driving home with the windows down and blasting the radio, I realized that I want to be happy.

Not happy like all smiles and good times, or the false bravado that got me through my adolescent years. I want to be happy with myself, happy in my skin, and content in where I am and what I'm doing.

So I'm taking that step with myself tonight. I'm taking the steps to remind myself that even when people hurt me or things don't go the way that I want them to, that that isn't a reflection on me. That doesn't mean that when I wake up tomorrow things won't be better. I'm going to remind myself to look at all the amazing things I have in my life, rather than all the bad.

None of this is going to be easy. It's a roller costar, and a battle that I'm going to have to fight against a habituated thought process. But that's okay. Getting there is the process that will help make permanent changes for the future.

So starting today I am strong.

I am beautiful.

And most importantly: I am enough.